A Cup of Joe (black coffee no sugar)

May mga bagay na kahit gaano mo panghinayangan, hindi na pwedeng ibalik. May mga akala mo masasabi mo pa, maibabalik mo pa, magagawa mo pa, pero.. hindi na pla.

Ang pagkakataon kung minsan, talagang isang beses lang dumarating. ano man ang maging desisyong gagawin mo, makakaapekto at makakaapekto ito sa hinaharap. Kaya nga nakakatakot magdesisyon. Mahirap kasing sabihing tama lahat ng gagawin mong hakbang. Ang weird diba? Minsan akala mo, okay naman naging desisyon mo. Yung pinag-aralan mo ang hakbang mo, tapos biglang ang gulo. Maling step pala talaga [mali nga ba?]. Kumbaga, kung super mario game ang nilalaro mo, nahulog ka na sa hole. Alin lang yun:

a) hindi mo alam pano yung laro;

b) malabo ang mata mo;

c) hindi ka nag.iingat

d) sadyang ganun talaga.

Ulitan na naman tuloy.

May mga bagay naman na kung minsan hindi mo plinano, hindi mo rin alam kung anong kahihinatnan pero sa huli, maganda naman ang kinalabasan. Tawag daw dun, “meant to be.”

Pero yung satin naman, hindi ko plinano. Nangyari lang. Akala ko magiging maganda, pero biglang naging hindi na lang. Siguro nga, may mga bagay na meant to be at not meant to be. At tayo, [sa ayaw ko man at sa gusto] we belong to the latter category. Isang naghuhumiyaw na not meant to be. [ouch!]

Hai.. ang dami ko tuloy theme song. Nung una, Lay It Down. I really can relate to this one. Interesting I just learned this song during those dark times.

[Syempre isasama ko yung lyrics dito.]

I’ve been looking till my eyes are tired of looking
Listening till my ears are numb from listening
Praying till my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry the burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

So I’m gonna lay it down, I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up, I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go, I’m gonna lay it down

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But you’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is the past and the future?s beginning
To look brighter now

‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

So I’m gonna lay it down, I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up, Your love, Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go, I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna lay it down, I’m gonna lay it down

I still imagined myself during those times. Pwede nang bigyan ng award. Dramatic queen talaga [kaway]. And then months passed,..at ayun, hindi pa rin ako nakakamove on..

At sa ngayon, out of reach ang theme song ko. Hehe. Ang emo diba?

Knew the signs
Wasn’t right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You’ll be out of my mind
And I’ll be over you

But now I’m
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there
For me

Feel na feel ko yung kanta. Hahah. [sigh]. Grabe. I can’t really believe you have this much effect on me. Ang sakit pa rin huh. Alam ko naman makakamove on ako. Pero, mukhang matagal pa yun. Anyway, I believe everything happens for a reason. sabi nga sa Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

I guess naging tayo para matuto ako. God has a good purpose at kahit it seemed chaotic, it wasn’t really for our harm. Pasalamat ka. heheh. Kung hindi, napabugbog na kita. 🙂 Ang harsh ba? Well, you know that naman na. [ayan.. bitter na naman ako T T]

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..” So everybody undergoes to different seasons. When we broke up, feeling ko ang season ko verse 2 a time to die, v.4 a time to weep, a time to mourn, v.6 a time to lose, v.7 a time to tear, a time to keep silence, v. 8 a time to hate.” So exaggerated ba? Heheh. A few months after ng break up natin, I got time to laugh, to dance, to embrace, to gain.. and I’m still waiting for the time to heal, and to love again.[Yun.. Boom. Kelan kaya?]

I so wanted to let go, but I guess, it’s too early. Perhaps, I shouldn’t force myself. Just endure this cup [I couldn’t escape anyway] until it’s over. For the meantime, I’ll just do all the emoticons there is. Hindi naman ako magpapakaemo. Nagpapakanormal lang. [sigh] Parang sira lang noh. [Para namang mababasa mo to.]

God is good all the time. And with all I’m going through, I’m really glad He never let go and just stayed by me.

Hindi naman talaga tungkol sayo isusulat ko. Subalit datapwat, feel ko lang mag.release ng aking niloloob. [Hehe.] Effective naman. [Lakas ng loob kasi, you’ll never know I wrote this.] Marami ka naman talagang di alam sakin. [Ayan na naman… nag.eevolve, nag.papakablack coffee no sugar na naman ako. hai..] Ambot ko sa imo.

May mga bagay talagang ganito ang ending. Weird. Yet, no matter what, our lives are held by God. And I’m at peace with that.

Everything are just beautiful. Simply beautiful.

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. rhianaashley says:

    emoticon k masyado…haha

    1. hehehe.. wag ka magulo..^^,

      1. rhianaashley says:

        ndi naman kita nigugulo ah…haha

    2. sometimes, you just needed a place to express all your feelings daw. haha

      1. rhianaashley says:

        tama… haha kaya nga nisasabi ko lahat kay ano eh…hehe

      2. rhianaashley says:

        kay… toot..toot…hehehe sa konsensya koh…

      3. hahaha.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.. si toot…toot…^___^

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